Here’s a discussion I was just having on Tumblr that might help you understand my gender:
“Male and female are opposite genders”
No, some people are bigender or genderfluid from male to female
“But that still means they are distinct genders, there are many ways to be plurigender/multigender”
But that is not an intrinsic characteristic of the male and female genders.
A gender identity is only antigirl when it could be combined with any other gender identity but girl, leading to mutual self-destruction or a similar concept of nullifying. In my case, pangender x panungender/panantigender leads to the formation of infinite “zerogenders” as I call them (for being neither positive nor negative genders), or potential gender seeds, in both directions under potential circumstances, but it is still a spore gender state, they are inactive until interactions with other people make them blossom again.
The mutual destruction of pangender and panantigender leads to only a few intact genders that did not get fully dissolved away in the caustic combination, either genders that are based on how I logically and philosophically feel about gender as a concept:
1. I am alike everyone and close to their identities in how I signify myself as a human, preferring no particularly form, shape or taste (neutrois), and unlike everyone and alienated from their referentials of what gender is meant to be due to my mind being an experience other to theirs (maverique) in infinitely complex ways (metagender).
2. What I seek from gender as a social role, which is a trail of karma – fame, glory, power, recognition beyond the span of time, worship and knowing that my touch upon this world has changed it forever for the absolute best (narcissistic rahugender) as opposed to self-actualization and the wisdom to know that being pushy about my ego-driven goals will cause alienation for the people I’m attempting to help, or rather, pretending to attempt to help because making the world become a mirror of my own ideology and self-conception feeds my ego like nothing else (reflexive ketugender).
3. Awareness that living in a binary society makes me reproduce masculinity and femininity even as a mostly-unaligned abinary person, and I should feel okay about recognizing that, even if I feel apathy about it all, because there are nice elements to masculinity and femininity anyway, and in fact they are fun as long as they aren’t pushed onto people, the only genders allowed or involved in unconsensual roles and hierarchy detrimental to one of the parts (mollinonpuer, mollinonpuella); or even understanding that in some ways I am put in situations in which I act and am seen as the man in the room, or the closest to a womanly figure in comparison to themselves and what they expect of people like me, and this allows me to kind of relate to how they feel even though I still very much want to be recognized first and foremost as someone who is neither male nor female (molliproxvir, mollijuxera).
4. Blues about how I will never embody much of the gender spectrum as well as I wish I could (to me gender identity and what I take from other people through the vessel of this language is a sign of my attraction and empathy towards other people, which is rare and to be treasured as an autistic and narcissistic person who has grown cynical of most human interaction), because we live in a transmisogynistic and exorsexist society and my mind has adapted to it, which is not a privilege but still forces me to naturalize being seen as a man and ~functioning socially as one~ even if it is unconsensual, and maybe I am just overanalyzing things and this alienation is common for cis men but I run away because I want to defend the silenced and oppressed very very much (oblimasculine exiccopostboy illusononbinary) vs awareness of how my experience is alike other transgender people, how regardless of the outward visibility of my gender narrative I am every new day unlike men and growing closer to and within a global community of nonbinary dreams, love and ideological unison, how I was never a binary man and couldn’t be more unlike them, and was just led to believe though because people tried to force me to be a cog in their system of oppression, and that one day perhaps I will be free and people will be forced to recognize this new me (pretransneutral entropostboy).
5. Unless otherwise modified due to engagement with the rest of humanity through media consumption, empathy towards certain narratives, reaction against violence or control (generally people being exorsexist or transmisogynistic towards me under the guise of feminism make me go para(antigirl), sorry not sorry), persistent attraction to others or engagement in relationships of all sorts; or the other, hidden, unknowable and fantastical mes beyond this rationalistic ego that I call myself through dreams and daydreams or immersed as a gameplayer in a fictional reality, I am stuck with this core gender that is the black hole left from the (pangender x panantigender) supernova; as a cadogender, I always fall back to it (it has its pull, as gravity); as an abimegender, it is deep, profound and infinite (my mind could go in infinite directions and I would still damn myself before I could find a good reason to not feel like neutrois and maverique aren’t the sole rational answers to the gender question, from my humble perspective); and it even fits the definition for an apollogender! I can escape my gender for limited amounts of time, so does that mean that this black hole has routes to parallel universes? the parallel universes represented by the minds of other people, their wills, desires, afflictions, experiences, emotions, which I can never metasimulate through my own emotions in a meaningful way due to my neurodivergences.
I am antineutrois-maverique and antimaverique-neutrois as my core gemigender but those genders are not the exact opposite of each other. The stable core of my gender is always comgender, sort of bold, while a pure antimaverique would probably be soft as maverique is defined as a very autonomous and unorthodox gender identity that can’t easily be made sense of to outsiders and can’t be properly tied to the rest of the spectrum, and it is also by definition extant (albeit demimaveriques exist), and my gender always favors neutrality before masculinity and femininity, while a pure antineutrois would probably be all about the most ‘colorful’ genders that show themselves as unlike all the others (my flavor of maverique, while defining itself in opposition to neutrois, is paradoxically more loyal to the part of the definition of maverique that is /not male, female or agender/ than the one that defines it as /not neutral/).
As you can see, antigenders/ungenders are not a hard science (ciência exata) and they can be defined in ways that vary from person to person. I am antigender because I make sense of gender as groupings (often binaries) of logical choices and options, so it is natural that they logically conflict to me, even as I identify with both.
from @mogai-ringo
I think the mix of pan(anti)gender is a light color gender.
Thank you for the submission! This is really interesting, and I think it could be insightful for some people.
-Fy